There’s no way I can get this done! Why the hell did I even agree to this?!
I sit at my desk on the verge of tears. Feeling like the instant I agreed to be a featured speaker for my friend’s group every speck of knowledge I ever had about anything suddenly vanished into thin air. Why would she even ask me?! I hate being the center of attention. The thought of it alone makes me stress sweat in places I didn’t even know could sweat. But I agreed to do it and I can’t let her down. So I begin.
First the outline, then the body, last the design. As it comes together I’m less than satisfied with the results. It’s far from my best work. Maybe if I had a few more weeks to work on it.. Then I’d be happy with it. Yeah right! I could work on it for years and I’d never been satisfied. Always my own worst critic. Nobody’s harder on me than me.
When I finally call it done I see the tiniest glimmer of hope. This might not be the shit show I was planning for after all. Maybe, just maybe it’ll be something to be proud of. Maybe. The day finally comes. I’m a nervous wreck! Stomach in knots. A lump in my throat. Who turned up the heat in here!? I just KNOW I’m going to flop. Forget everything I’ve prepared and freeze right on the spot. GAWD my mouth is so dry!!
3, 2, 1 ACTION!!
“Hi everyone! I’m Deb Wise, founder of Sharp Tack Media…” The second I begin it’s like I’ve become a completely different person. My presentation is flowing beautifully. I easily answer every question that comes my way. I’m eloquent and funny and people are engaged and taking notes. Actually learning something new. Once it’s all over I look around the room. Who just did that!? I hardly even recognized that girl.
I welcome this version of me that I had to dig so deep to find. Under all the self-doubt and imposter syndrome. Behind that veil of criticism and perfectionism that lied and told me I was worthless and stupid. Behind that curtain is a strong, knowledgeable woman who holds an encyclopedia of knowledge that comes with more than a decade of experience.
Who loves to share her gifts and is a natural-born teacher. Who even though she says on the surface she hates to be the center of attention is really, deep down a Diva who loves the spotlight.
Who gets to help other women uncloak their inner Diva and shine their light on the world.
This is impossible! was first published on
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